Disclosing Your Disability
When we meet new people, it’s natural to slowly begin sharing personal information about ourselves. That’s how relationships are formed. We may start out sharing things like our hobbies, our pets’ names, our favorite sports teams, or bands we like. But, eventually, we start to share more personal, private information after we’ve learned to trust the other person a bit more.
When it comes to revealing personal details about a disability, that experience can be especially challenging. It can make you feel vulnerable as you wonder whether the other person will treat you differently once they know about your disability. On this page, we’ll talk about what it means to disclose a disability, whether you need to disclose it or not, how to know when it’s the right time to self-identify, and how to do it in a way that makes you feel as comfortable as possible!
Disclosure is a Personal Choice
The decision about whether to share that you have a disability is a personal one.
When you disclose something, you’re intentionally sharing personal information about yourself for a specific reason. We’re often asked to disclose information about ourselves to people we don’t know; for example, we disclose our address, phone number, and medical history at the doctor.
But what about disclosing your disability? Deciding how and when to do this — or whether you even want to — can be a difficult one.
You’ll want to consider several factors first:
- Your audience: Whom are you considering telling? What do you know about the person/people and why might it be important for them to know (or not)?
- The circumstances: Are you applying for a job? Seeking accommodations or services? Meeting a new friend or possible romantic partner? Some situations may involve more risk than others.
- Your rights: Laws such as the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) protect your rights when it comes to discrimination, receiving accommodations, and gaining access to certain benefits or services. These rights are only guaranteed once you have self-identified that you have a disability. However, the right to choose whether or not to disclose also is legally protected, and it is yours alone to make.
- Your physical, mental, and emotional well-being: Consider whether disclosing your disability to others will reduce your stress or add to it. It’s important to do what’s best for your own sense of well-being.
Deciding Whom to Tell
The law protects your right to receive protections, services, and accommodations associated with your disability. Of course, there’s a lot more to consider when it comes to deciding whether to share it with others. Although your employment rights help to protect you from discrimination on the job, it is also true that many people hold biases against people with disabilities that the law can’t change, and the fear of repercussions and rejection is, unfortunately, based in reality. Some people experience immediate or long-term consequences.
When it comes to disclosing your disability to a potential or current employer, there is no legal requirement to self-identify. While some disabilities are visible to others — being in a wheelchair, for example — and therefore may not always need to be verbally disclosed, some are invisible, such as intellectual or developmental disabilities. In that case, such a disability can be easier to hide from others.
However, if you want to use the reasonable accommodations for a job interview or to perform work that you’re legally entitled to — for example, receiving materials in accessible formats, such as Braille or talk-to-text (TTY) mode for phones — you can only be guaranteed those if you have a qualified disability. This is an important part of self-advocacy: talking about who you are and what you need in order to be successful.
Think of it this way: Employers and teachers want you to succeed. When you do a good job, that means they have succeeded at their job! So when you advocate for yourself and ask for the accommodations you need to perform at your best, it doesn’t just help you — it helps everyone!
Besides exercising your legal rights, though, it can also feel good to express your whole self to others. Your disability is just one part of who you are. It can even help you to see the world in a unique way that benefits you and others. So as you think about disclosing your disability to others, consider whether you feel safe and comfortable with them and whether you think it’s important for them to know because of accommodations or support you’ll need, activities you may do together, or how open you’d like your relationship with that person to be. You may find it a relief to be your whole self with them.
When and Where to Self-Identify
The circumstances you’re in also may determine whether you decide to share your disability with someone. For example, if you do decide to discuss it, it’s a good idea to talk in a setting that feels safe, comfortable, and private. Select a time when neither of you will feel rushed, so there’s time for asking questions and talking through concerns.
Know also that, depending on your circumstances, you may or may not need to disclose your disability. If, for example, you’d like to receive accommodations or services in order to learn or complete a task, it may be time to be open about your needs. However, if you’re making a new friend or considering dating someone new, or if you feel that you’ll put yourself at risk in some way by sharing this information, you may not want to share right now … or ever. Only you can decide the best time and place to disclose your disability.
Asserting Your Rights
As we said earlier, there is no legal requirement that a person with a disability has to disclose it to others. However, there are laws in place that can protect you in situations such as using public facilities or transportation, accessing school materials, taking tests, looking for work, keeping a job, receiving health care, and more.
According to the U.S. Department of Labor, these laws entitle you to:
- Have information about your disability treated confidentially and respectfully
- Seek information about hiring practices from any organization
- Choose to disclose your disability at any time during the employment process
- Receive reasonable accommodations for an interview
- Be considered for a position based on your skill and merit
- Have respectful questioning about your disability for the purpose of determining whether you need accommodations and if so, what kind
Just because you are legally entitled to these things doesn’t mean you’ll receive them. To enjoy these benefits, it’s also your responsibility to share that you have a disability and bring your relevant skills and talents to your school or job. If no one knows you have a disability, they can’t guarantee you certain rights.
You’ll need to determine 1) How your disability affects your learning and performance, and 2) What type of environment, services, or support you’ll need to access and succeed in school, work, and your community, and 3) What and how much of this sensitive information is necessary to share in order for you to receive these accommodations. (source: The National Collaborative on Workforce and Disability for Youth)
One thing to keep in mind is that the amount of information you reveal is up to you. It’s not necessary to state a lot of details about your disability diagnosis. To receive accommodations or take advantage of the rights you are entitled to, you only need to use the word “disability” and explain what that means in terms of your challenges and needs. Use language that you’re comfortable with.
Taking Care of Yourself
For many people, knowing they have legal protections and the right to the accommodations they need can be a big relief. Plus, it takes a lot of stress to protect a “secret” like this and hide one’s true self; disclosing your disability, while sometimes scary, can actually reduce stress. It ensures you will have what you need in order to be successful, and it enables you to be honest and open about your needs and any changes in the future, leading to greater understanding.
It also may help increase your comfort with sharing the information with others, giving you confidence and an improved self-image. It can feel empowering to take control of your own story and share it to inspire others.
Research actually shows that when people disclosed their disabilities on their own, without being forced to do so, they experienced less depression, anxiety, and stigma, as well as higher self-esteem, satisfaction at work, and confidence in their relationships!
However, there is always a small chance that disclosure can lead to being excluded or treated differently by others. Others may see you differently, and that can lead to you feeling vulnerable or insecure. And in a small number of situations, people with invisible disabilities experienced negative consequences when they disclosed their disabilities. However, this is the minority; most people have positive outcomes from self-identifying.
Tips for Self-Disclosure
If you decide you’re ready to share this information with others, it can be helpful to keep the following things in mind:
- Prepare and practice your talking points: If you’re nervous about disclosing your disability, it can be helpful to prepare what you’ll say ahead of time, just as you would with any difficult or sensitive conversation. Make a list of what you need and want to say and practice it — in front of a mirror, or with trusted family members or friends. This can help you feel confident.
- Focus on what’s important: When you’re preparing your script, focus on how the disability affects your relationship with the other person or how it will affect your performance at school, at work, or elsewhere. This can help put emphasis on the help or accommodations you need.
- Also, remember that a disability is part of who you are. There’s much more about you worth sharing. In fact, your disability may actually help strengthen your abilities in other areas. For example, if you have a learning disability like dyslexia, you may have developed a strong ability to learn and express yourself visually. Sharing your strengths can be just as important to remind others how much you have to offer.
Prepare for a response
Saying what you need to say is important, but that isn’t the end of the conversation. Now you need to be prepared for their response. It’s likely to be positive, but some people may need some time to understand. You may even experience some negativity as a result. You can’t control what others will do; you can only control your part of the conversation and how their response will affect you.
Once you share the information with the other person, let them know that you’re happy to continue the discussion later or that you can answer questions if they come up. Over time, chances are that they’ll be supportive, and you’ll have great confidence to advocate for yourself even more in the future.
